Issues
by scrambled-eggs-at-midnight
Summary: "As long as you don't get yourself killed, I couldn't care less what you're doing." Bakura's sneaking, Malik might have some issues, and both of them are asking all the wrong questions. Because that's something new. Prompt 1. of "26: Theifshipping Style."


**A/N: I found this when I was cleaning out my documents folder on Word. It was written for prompt number one of my story "26: Theifshipping Style," and I figured I'd share. ^^ It is rather cracky. I'd like to dedicate this to Lady Blackwell, since she was the one who gave me the idea to write one-shots for all of these crack-tastic prompts. Thanks, darling!**

**Disclaimer: Really? Just, really? Come on. Use your brains. What do I own? Nothing? Great! You're catching on quite quickly, aren't you?**

_1. "As long as you don't get yourself killed, I couldn't care less what you're doing."  
_

So, maybe it was dishonest. But that's what Bakura was all about, right? He lied, he stole, he cheated… it was what made him… _him. _Why, if he didn't act like an asshole every day of his life, the inhabitants of hell would probably have to dig out their ice skates, and the news stations would be forced to start issuing warnings about low-flying pigs. Seriously. It was just that obvious.

Still, Malik might not see it that way. Bakura had worked with him during Battle City, yes, but they had been fighting for their lives. The circumstances had been... slightly different— of course Malik would have been okay with extreme measures then. But now that they were… _together,_ Malik might want him to be a little less dishonest and a lot more (Bakura repressed a shudder) _nice._

Bakura growled and shook his head. Why the hell did he care what Malik wanted of him? He was the bloody _Thief King—_he did what he wanted when he wanted to. That was the way things were when he was in Egypt, it was the way things were now, and it was the way things would always be. Screw Malik.

... Which he was already doing, by the way. Yeah, he was perfectly fine.

… So why was he still sneaking around his own house?

"What the hell?"

Bakura turned around slowly to see Malik standing in the hallway eyeing him, a bemused expression on his face. Bakura tried his hardest not to look guilty. "What?"

"I think that "Why?" would be a better question in this situation."

"I think that it depends on who's asking, don't you?"

"Bakura. What the hell are you holding?"

Okay. Playing dumb wasn't working. Time for plan B.

Because that always worked so well for you in the past, a little voice in the back of his mind said. Bakura promptly stepped on it.

Malik raised an eyebrow, and Bakura took that as his cue to start explaining, even though he totally wasn't scared of what Malik would do to him if he rebelled against the official Code of Relationships. (Which Bakura totally never followed anyway, because he was Bakura, and things like that didn't bind him! At all!)

Right.

"Oh, you're talking about this thing in my hands here?" Bakura said finally, switching from "dumb" to "innocent until proven guilty."

"Yes, Bakura. That is what I'm talking about."

"Yeah, it's a human arm." Why exactly Bakura was carrying around a human arm was anyone's guess. Bakura liked watching them try and figure it out anyway.

People were so amusing when they tried to think.

Malik rolled his eyes and pushed himself off of the wall. "I can see that it's a human arm, Bakura. I mean, why are you, mister, "I am all-powerful-so-fear-me," sneaking through the hall like some random burglar." He grinned. "That's what I meant." 

"Say what you mean then," Bakura snapped. He was in a hurry, he didn't have time for this….

Malik raised an eyebrow. "Okay, fine you don't want to tell me. Whatever." He shrugged and started out of the room. Bakura looked up at him, surprised. "You mean you… aren't going to ask why I have it?" Not that he was particularly inclined to explain himself. It was a rather… detailed procedure, and he'd rather not waste any time. But still.

Malik glanced back at him. "Bakura, as long as you don't get yourself killed, I couldn't care less what you're doing."

Bakura blinked, then smiled slowly. He knew there was a reason he loved this guy.

Besides the sex, anyway. That would be a really sucky thing to put on an anniversary card.

Wait. He was thinking of anniversaries. Which implied long-term releationships.

God, he was so whipped.

"But Bakura?"

"Yes?"

Malik smiled. Bakura was surprised to find that it wasn't even evil. Like, at _all._

It was actually kind of nice.

"Bakura, did you hear a word I just said?"

"What?"

"I said that if you get blood on my carpet, I will kill you. With a fork."

Okay. Never mind. Kid still had issues.

But whatever.


End file.
